Why do I run?
When I was 14 I took my first line of cocaine and started smoking marijuana. At 15 I carried on taking those and added acid and a smack-head boyfriend into the equation. At 16 I thought I’d add ecstasy to the list. The list increased including a lump of crack once for a Christmas pressy in 1991. Nice.
I don’t come from a broken/deprived background. I had (and still have) no excuse, it was escapism and I love the feeling I got from being ‘out of it’. I loved the euphoria.
I ended up using drugs for 17 years. Crack, speed, marijuana, magic mushrooms, ketamine (a horse tranquilizer) cocaine, acid, temazepam, dospan – these are the ones I can remember. My friends and I used to have a saying “it’s only a drug problem if you can't afford them”. I cringe at my own crassness for that saying. I no longer get angry. I overdosed on more than one occasion. Did that stop me? No! You would have thought your brother and sister turning up on your doorstep at 11am on Christmas Eve to take your son away ‘to live with mum while you get yourself sorted’ would have worked. I spent nine months partying like I’d not partied in a long time.
I nearly lost my life, I lost the first couple of years of being a mum, I lost my friends, I lost myself - look around you now and you will see some of the things I lost.
There is nothing that anyone could have said to have stopped me. It had to come from me. And it did. One day something inside me did a 180 degrees turn. There was no major catastrophe - granted the feelings of repulsion within had grown to mammoth proportions and I couldn’t look in the mirror. But I knew I had to stop. I hated myself.
I took myself on a surfing holiday for two weeks; within 24 hours I had hooked up with some guys who had a steady supply of coke. I got home ironically still determined to sort myself out. I cut all ties with my drug-taking friends for nearly a year. I got angry, I got remorseful, I got tired, I made excuses, I lied…but I stopped.
How does this relate to my running?
I discovered food instead. It became my new mate. So I found myself at the end of 2004 over 16 stone, no drug problem, but hugely overweight. I decided to start running, and I went out and bought myself a pair of running shoes. I broke my leg the next week rollerblading!! So much for my plans.
The plaster came off in August 2005; the trainers were still like new. I didn’t know where to start, so I scoured the web with the same enthusiasm I used to use when sourcing my weekend drug supply. I came across the Nike Run London website and saw they had a 10k in October. When you signed up you even got to download training plans. Fantastic, I thought. 10k here I come!
Run 1 minute, walk 1 minute x 10. Fair enough. I set out in my tracksuit pants, long- sleeved top tied around my waist (covering my backside), a thick cotton T-shirt, rucksack on my back– with a two-litre bottle of water in it in case I got thirsty, and mobile in my hand with the stopwatch going.
I ran and I ran and I ran as fast as my legs would carry me. I was puffing and panting, the sweat was pouring out of me, but I was doing it. I looked at my mobile - 30 seconds gone. What??? No, that can’t be right. I wanted to go home; I knew people would be looking at me thinking “really what’s a fat lump like her trying to do? Run? Ha ha ha!” I could hear them, really hear them. Even if they weren’t saying it out loud, they were thinking it
I still don’t know what made me put my trainers on again for the next run; to tell you the truth I don’t remember the end of my first run (suppressed memory?) I did put them on again though and I did keep on following the plan. Not always to the letter - I’m human, and of course I missed days and I had to repeat some weeks twice, sometimes three times. I eventually started going to the Nike 5k training runs on Clapham Common; every single time I went I came in last. Without fail.
By the time it got to my 10k the furthest I had run was still only about four miles. I did it though, I welled up crossing the finish line and I wore that medal for days. I wouldn’t reset my watch because it still had my time on, I emailed everyone in my address book, I started conversation with “when I ran a 10k….”. I was ecstatic.
I got back online and discovered Runner's World and their events page…..hmm, you mean there are other races out there? There was a forum where you could ask any question you liked and get a response from others who had been there. There’s no question too ‘silly’ or answer too ‘obvious’ for the forumites.
Running makes me happy. Running makes me feel strong. Running has given me a whole new set of wonderful friends - some are virtual, many I’ve run with, drunk with, laughed with (usually in that order). I met up with an old flame recently who offered me something ‘for the old days’, and my first thought was “Oh I can’t because it would mess up my running”. That made me smile; in fact it still makes me smile.
I’m still only running 11 minute miles, 10.5 at best with a backwind and on a downward slope. I’m still three stone over weight. However, five 5Ks, three 10Ks, two half marathons, hundreds of forum posts and nine months later I’m still here. Addictive personality? Who me?
Comments
I'm not (much) overweight, I've never smoked and definately not done the drugs, I run at 11.5 min miles and look like a morello cherry within 30 seconds of starting and I definately don't think I could manage the 10k, so good for you you're there and doing it and nothing is more inspirational than seeing someone larger than you run faster..go for it
Susan Johnson Thursday, June 08, 2006 07:18:34 PM
I think you are amazing to have come through the drugs and now be useing running as your drug of choice. Congratulations on a major achievement. BE PROUD
Kaz Thursday, June 08, 2006 08:54:25 PM
Max, that is truly inspirational. Congratulations on overcoming your addiction. I used running to overcome an eating disorder and alhough I have had a bit of a "relapse" over the last few months I'm confident that my addiction to running will get me through it again. Keep going, the 11 min miles will soon turn into 10 min miles and you'll be like bullet in no time!!
Sian H Friday, June 09, 2006 06:56:46 PM
Wow - very inspirational - hope you win the £1k - although it sounds like you've already won first prize - you've won back your life! And I know where's heaps more to come from Max yet - I saw her do under 8 for the last mile of the Richmond Half marathon - that's incredible considering that by that point she'd already done two and a half hours of exercise on a really hot sunny day! And it wasn't downhill or with a following wind! Looking forward to seeing her complete a marathon, crack 2:00 for a half (that'd only be another 30 minute PB), smash 25 minutes for a 5km, give up smoking for good (nag nag nag) AND continue to really enjoy herself ;-) H
Holly Wood Tuesday, June 13, 2006 03:36:00 PM
wow, fantastic, well done you!! Santa :o)
Sandra McDougall Tuesday, June 13, 2006 03:46:37 PM
Sometimes words aren't enough! What a story.
Cliffy Clown Tuesday, June 13, 2006 03:51:04 PM
Max, you're an inspiration to us all. It's just a real shame that there's not a less cheesy way to say that!! Good on you girl, you should be dead proud of yourself. shoeless xx
Tegwen Owen Tuesday, June 13, 2006 03:52:25 PM
Great story Max and fantastic of you to battle through everything and come out smiling.
Adrian 360° Tuesday, June 13, 2006 04:22:36 PM
Max, what an inspiration you are. You deserve to be so proud of yourself, there are very few people in this world who can do what you have achieved.
Puffing Bertie Tuesday, June 13, 2006 05:33:22 PM
You are an inspiration Max.
Ness Costa Tuesday, June 13, 2006 07:42:29 PM
Max, that's truly inspirational. On the day I've been advised to stop running and am feeling quite sorry for myself, I realise that I should be grateful for the fact that I have been able to run for the last 6 years and can still do plenty of other exercises. I'm sure there will be more to add to the story in the coming weeks and years.
Forest Runner Tuesday, June 13, 2006 08:20:05 PM
What an amazing story Max, so glad you've come through everything to cheer us all up on FE. Your grit and determination are superhuman
A. Cross Tuesday, June 13, 2006 08:21:41 PM
The only way is up, Max, Keep up the good work, u r doing brilliantly!!! Toks
Tinu Ogundari Tuesday, June 13, 2006 08:43:41 PM
Fantastic story Max. Keep putting the trainers on :o) Tigger
Marianne Young Tuesday, June 13, 2006 10:10:04 PM
bloody love all these stories Running is the answer xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Hippo
Ruth B Tuesday, June 13, 2006 10:20:33 PM
Brilliant Max, I'm glad I can call you a 'virtual' friend. And yes, you made me cry!!Take care, Urs xxx
Ursula Connelly Wednesday, June 14, 2006 12:15:08 AM
Wow ! Truely inpirational ....... RGP x
Steve Mattingley Wednesday, June 14, 2006 06:10:31 AM
Fantastic story Max, the greatest achievements in running can't be measured on a stopwatch.
Diogenes Wednesday, June 14, 2006 07:53:48 AM
Max, you are a star and I am proud to count you amongst my friends. xx
Maryanne A Wednesday, June 14, 2006 08:04:20 AM
You are a winner Max.......Loon Dod
George Reid Wednesday, June 14, 2006 09:21:15 AM
Amazing turn-around Max. What an inspiration. Keep running and smiling!
Blue Wombat Wednesday, June 14, 2006 10:06:29 AM
Max - you were one of the first forumites I 'spoke' to on the beginner's board on RW - Your warmth and wit just shines through - what a star!! Hippyclick
Mel Greenwood Wednesday, June 14, 2006 10:20:24 AM
You're a hero Max. Forget finishing half-marathons, it's lining up at the start that takes real guts.
Greg W Wednesday, June 14, 2006 11:09:47 AM
Max there's no turning back now it fantastic you've turned your life around it will only get better. That includes your times you have a very positive attitude I hope you keep it going. You have the fetch support group if you think things are bad.
Hills Of Death (HOD) Wednesday, June 14, 2006 12:02:56 PM
Fetchies are like no others. xxxxx
Max Wednesday, June 14, 2006 12:20:54 PM
Next time I don't feel like a run I'll think of you Max and realise I have it easy. You are a fighter and a winner. XXX
Graham Atherton Wednesday, June 14, 2006 03:07:31 PM
Max, you go girl. But you're determination and dedication is a true inspiration. Not to mention your insanely competitive nature which keeps driving us both up the mileage charts. Keep up the good work, you definately deserve to win!
Lumsdoni Wednesday, June 14, 2006 05:44:48 PM
We done Max-your story is that of a brave, brave woman. You hould be very, very proud of yourself. You are an inspiration enjoy your new lifestyle-you are in now in charge.
Sharon Griffiths Thursday, June 15, 2006 10:57:28 AM
Max - What an inspiration!! Next time I start moaning over trivial things I'll remember what you came through - You've done so well to come out the "other side". PS - You make me laugh on the forums too... Karen xxx
Karen Burton Thursday, June 22, 2006 12:22:17 PM
I am so impressed by the willpower and determination you have shown in your endeavours to beat your addictions (the unhealthy ones ;0) of course). You must feel an amazing sense of achievement and pride. Well done and long may you continue on this path.
Nicola Lester Monday, June 26, 2006 11:21:11 PM
Just want to say well done.
Alan Johnson Sunday, July 02, 2006 10:22:42 AM
Wow! Enough said?
Barry Wilkinson Tuesday, July 04, 2006 12:45:59 AM
Keep up with the running. Running has helped my daughters Karen and Tracey. (wings on our trainers)
Janice John Sunday, July 09, 2006 08:14:50 PM
Max, you came to a cross raods in your life, straight on - well... we know where that would have ended, backwards - you'd been on that road already that's why you wanted to get off it, right was a road that stretched for miles a gentle path that slowly dropped, the fourth option the left hand turn, was twisty, steep, mountainous, rocky, but right at the very top a small fire was lit, and that was for you, you chose that route and look at you now - succesful, full of achievement, a family that I'm sure are so proud of you, and the ability to turn down the offer of an easy route back the way you came - you are FANTASTIC and I hope you continue to be such a role model to many many people
Evelyn Cathalin Friday, July 21, 2006 03:16:53 PM
Dear MAX, You are my HERO, keep up the wonderful way of living.God Bless.Jerry
Jerry McCullough Sunday, August 06, 2006 04:46:45 PM
wow! your strength of character shines through. what can i say but that i admire you! i hope you carry on succeeding in life.
Loraine Wood Wednesday, August 16, 2006 12:30:29 PM
You know I admire your strength Max, But no more help with the leg stretches till you stop smoking too :-) Heheheheheheheheheheheheheheh Nicko XXXXXX
Nicko Wednesday, August 30, 2006 10:19:45 PM
I'm working on the smoking Nicko........
Max Wednesday, August 30, 2006 10:51:02 PM
You are an Inspiration to all and especially to the young peole of today who believe that "dabbling in drugs is O.K." As for weight dont worry about it all of our bodies are different and that's what makes us unique. Good luck for the future
Ian Moore Tuesday, September 05, 2006 01:00:05 PM
Good work! Keep going!
James Hadden Thursday, October 05, 2006 02:08:39 PM
hi, i read your story in runners world. i too am running the Abingdon marathon it will be my first marathon ever. i also run about the same pace as you. i dont know anybody doing Abingdon.Would you be interested in meeting up on the day before the gun goes pop? i am a little nervous as this will be my first race. GOOD LUCK Maria
Maria Ayres Friday, October 06, 2006 07:29:13 AM
What an incredible story. Max, it's people like you that make me proud to call myself a Runner. Keep going and never look back. Lina (MadameO)xxx P.S. Good luck in Abingdon - see you there!
Lina Martino Friday, October 06, 2006 08:57:42 AM
I read your story in RW magazine and wondered if you ran the Abingdon marathon yesterday. I ran it, my first one. Everything hurts today but I feel fantastic having achieved something I never thought I could. Did you run it?
Tim Holt Monday, October 23, 2006 05:26:48 PM
what a truly inspirational story and person.i,m a recovering alcoholic,so i can empathise with max,s story.i discovered running too,the healthiest of addictions.keep it up max,your a great help to so many,luv from your brother and sister addicts in the land of beautiful recovery!
Richard S Sunday, November 05, 2006 01:53:33 PM
Fantastic – I have nothing but admiration and respect for your fortitude.
Chris Jenkins Tuesday, December 05, 2006 11:24:48 AM
hi I work in a supported housing scheme for people with mental health problems and alcohol and substance misuse. I am currently in the process of starting a running club up and will be using this example on my residents board for inspiration so well done.
Steve Gardener Monday, May 07, 2007 10:11:54 AM