These were the words I always used to mutter as I would pass another "fool" out running on a wet and windy Sunday morning as we headed off to another away fixture for our local football team. After our usual pre-match fuelling session of lager and kebab we would then pull on our shorts and "run" around the pitch for 90 minutes kicking anything that came near. Who was the idiot?
My conversion to running began on 28th March 2005 in tragic circumstances, when we returned home to find that our eldest son had taken his own life. From that moment our lives were transformed. I have never experienced pain, suffering and emotion like it before in my life and hope I never experience anything similar again. My whole life was destroyed, leaving me with no sense of hope or direction.
Fortunately I am blessed with a loving wife and two other sons, who have given me the strength to carry on. For the six months following my son's death the highlight of my day was taking my anti-depressants and sleeping tablets at night to give me some escape from this new existence.
In August I was contacted by Samaritans, for whom we had been fundraising previously, to ask if I was interested in taking part in the London Marathon 2006. I agreed - feeling this would be a way of giving something back for all of the support we'd received from this wonderful organisation.
So in November the journey began. One mile was the first challenge and God was it hard. What was the point? Why should I keep going when I get tired? What have I let myself in for? Gradually ,though, the miles became easier and the little targets for increasing distances became bigger and bigger - as did the feeling of euphoria when the next challenge was completed.
Was I actually starting to enjoy this? In truth, I was absolutely loving it and couldn't wait to plan my next month's schedule, maintaining a diary to monitor my progress. I eventually realised I was converted to running as a sport when the next time I saw a runner on a Sunday morning I no longer saw them as a "fool" but instead was proud to acknowledge a fellow runner. My wife realised my conversion as we drove along the road in the car and I suddenly bleated out "Tell me you're not going running in those!" to a poor man setting off in wholly inappropriate footwear!
So after six months of hard work, including a five-week lay off prior to the big day due to an achilles problem, I set off on the final leg of my journey - the FLM 2006. 1200 words could never be enough to express the emotions of that day but it is an experience I will never forget. So much so that I, and my travelling supporters, cannot wait to return next year.
But my journey as a runner will continue with the Great North Run in my sights and possibly New York in November.
When I started out I never contemplated that this would be a cure for my situation but took the view that it couldn't make me feel any worse. However, what I have found is that it has given me real focus and the ability to make a huge step forward along the path along which life has now taken us.
The hard facts surrounding this are that I've lost more than four stones in weight (never thinking that I was overweight previously) and that I no longer require medication as the highlight of my day. Running has made me stronger - physically, but more importantly, mentally.
So the next time you see some "idiot" out pounding the roads, just pause and think of the reasons why they may be doing so.
Comments
Well done Dean . . . . you are an inspiration to all of those who see running as a boring pavement pounding chore. Good Luck!! Dev
Dev McManus Tuesday, July 11, 2006 05:18:31 PM
Dean you did it with determination and with your all your heart, well done.
Paul Lamb Tuesday, July 11, 2006 09:27:13 PM
we are all proud of what you have achieved Dean, even the lads are impressed.
Brian Bailes Tuesday, July 11, 2006 10:51:02 PM
Hiya dean, You are amazing for getting this far. i am very happy for you. This has been a very big step which you have proved to yourself that you can do not just for yourself but for your children and of course lovely shirley aswell. Never forget yous. Congratulation all my love The moor family xxxxx
Trisha Moore Wednesday, July 12, 2006 10:13:06 AM
What a sad and happy story. I am sure it will give strength,hope and encouragement to others in similar situations.
Lesley Lambert Wednesday, July 12, 2006 10:36:34 AM
Hi Dean, you already know how much you've inspired the RW forumites, and this story just confirms what a hero you are. Glad you're still aiming for new goals, so good luck at the GNR and beyond!
Anne Swift Wednesday, July 12, 2006 11:41:43 AM
Dean, I took up running following a family tragedy too, and also found it a transforming experience. I know your story has inspired so many people, and is a real tribute to Daniel, and a great source of pride to your family. Keep on running!
Diana Davis Wednesday, July 12, 2006 11:43:06 AM
Dean, I took up running following a family tragedy too, and also found it a transforming experience. I know your story has inspired so many people, and is a real tribute to Daniel, and a great source of pride to your family. Keep on running!
Diana Davis Wednesday, July 12, 2006 11:43:08 AM
Well as usual you move me to tears- you have done so well - all of you - Daniel would be proud but I still think he might have had something to say about the tights!
Julie Garner Wednesday, July 12, 2006 11:58:55 AM
Dean, Again i feel deeply moved by your story. Keep strong, Keep running , and good luck in all your future races !!
Cathy Andrews Wednesday, July 12, 2006 02:00:07 PM
Deano-You are an amazing example to us all in our community.Your writing here is only a small sample of your experiance-it made me cry and smile at the same time!!! Dan would be so proud of his "old fella"!!! And his Mum and brothers who've shared the experiance with you-but without the tight's!!!
Jo Hepburn-Hall Thursday, July 13, 2006 10:01:39 AM
Deano, Its been an emotional journey mate. Really glad to have met you and your family, you are the nicest people I could ever have hoped to meet during this tough and challenging journey for the both of us. With out your encouragement and support I am not sure I would have achieved what I have, you are a great support and an inspiration. Let’s keep it going, keep the memories alive and keep Running For Glory. Let’s make sure we both have the tights out in force for the GNR, we are better with them!! lol See you soon buddy,
Steve Dale Thursday, July 13, 2006 03:39:32 PM
Dean, I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that I am so proud of you and what you have achieved. You and your family are a great inspiration to us all. Dan would be really really proud of you - I know it. Keep up the good work mate!
Paul Gillespie Thursday, July 13, 2006 11:27:47 PM
Dean. Although you may not have been the fastest athlete I have ever worked with, your commitment, tireless determination and good humour has to make you one of the greatest. You truely are inspirational!
Dr Cath Laraman Friday, July 14, 2006 08:23:48 AM
Dean,you are providing an inspiration to all those around you and afar. I must say I cannot recall the running around just the lager and kebabs, if only we knew then what we know now, keep on running mate.
Peter Blacklock Friday, July 14, 2006 09:59:18 AM
Dean, you're an inspiration to all of us. Well done and keep on running.
Matt Squire Tuesday, July 18, 2006 11:48:38 AM
Well done Dean this story says it all!! Dan would be proud!! love to you, shirley and the boys as always x
Ashley Davidson Tuesday, July 18, 2006 07:48:40 PM
Inspirational
Mark Weymouth Wednesday, July 19, 2006 10:06:53 AM
That's the most definitive guide on turning tragedy into clarity...well done Dean, your son would be proud.
Matt Thompson Thursday, July 20, 2006 11:42:40 AM
Amazing...Your family must be very proud. A fantastic acheivement. Well done!
Anna Parkin Monday, July 24, 2006 09:35:15 PM
Well Done Dean, Ever thought of being a Sports writer or Motivational speaker VERY INSPIRING !
Kevin O'Hare Wednesday, July 26, 2006 09:37:15 AM
The greatest marathon will always be in your hearts.But we are all so proud of you all.
Richard Herkes Wednesday, July 26, 2006 10:59:44 AM
Well Done, this is a very touching article which I hope inspires others to keep going when life is tough.
Teresa Higgins Thursday, July 27, 2006 02:48:28 PM
Dean, Yep inspiring that's for sure..... so much so that you have partly inspired me to swim from Alcatraz to the shore of San Fran! I have got a team of 5 pilots from Virgin Atlantic together and we are going to do the swim on the 2nd of September. We have chosen four charites, and I put forward the Samaritans with you and your family in mind. I will let you know how we get on. Good luck with your future runs and fund raising! David Bloor
David Bloor Tuesday, August 01, 2006 03:48:27 PM
An excellent view from the inside - and yes, I already do look at those idiots pounding the street in a different way and realise that maybe I'm the idiot for not being out there! Good on you Dean!
Jeremy Payne Tuesday, August 01, 2006 05:02:58 PM
Dean, We know nothing will ever change the emptiness in our hearts and how much we miss Dan. I would never have believed if someone had told me this story on how Running can help someone, in the way it has help you. We are so very, very proud of everything you have done and the courage you have shown. We love you very much. Shirley, Matthew and Benx
Shirley Smith Wednesday, August 02, 2006 07:35:17 PM
I was in tears when I read your story, I dont know how I would deal with such a situation. My sympathies for your sad loss in such tragic circumstances. You are an inspiration, the way you have come through this terrible time is an example to everyone and will I am certain, have helped the rest of your family unit gain strength from your courage. Good luck for the future. Regards Phil
Philip Sexton Friday, August 04, 2006 12:19:36 PM
Dean,every Monday and Wednesday evening when I sat in my car with the heating on and reading a book you would be out running no matter what the weather,even from the beginning we knew that you would do it,you could see that you were actually starting to enjoy your running and getting so much from it. We are so proud of you and have no doubt that you will continue to enjoy many more years of been the idiot on the road. Love Tracey, Tony and Kaine xxx
Tracey Mosley Thursday, August 17, 2006 09:05:39 PM
Hi Dean, congratulations on completing the marathon, fantastic achievement! Whatever happened to the "scone run" to Philberts???? Good luck for the Great North run on Sunday,i imagine your family are very proud of you. Regards Claire x
Claire Huart Thursday, September 28, 2006 02:35:36 PM
Despite that awful pain i know your suffering Dean. What you have done speaks volumes for you as a man. Iknow one day in time you will look back and say to yourself how on earth did i get here.How did i do all that. This i know is not an easy road you and Shirley and your family are on but it's one you will travel together and survive. Like we all do. I take my hat off to you, what you have done is an inspiration to us all. Take care Ian {suicide survivour }
Ian Waller Friday, October 13, 2006 12:44:29 AM